the root of everything is kindness
As a result of some serious breakthroughs and epiphanies over an incredibly authentic and treasured weekend (more on that magic later), I have come to a new level of understanding about the way I see my world. I want to share it with you. I love sharing my truth with you.
I frequently explain that nothing truly matters in the grand scheme of things. I talk about how life is meaningless. It makes me feel peaceful. On the other hand, I do feel that life has meaning. And I see it in the lives of others. So, what do I mean when I say, "life is meaningless, everything is insignificant"? This is my biggest contradiction.
There are lessons we must learn in life, and I believe the force that holds it all together is truth. Sit in the moment. Let go of ego. Let go of material. Be here. Breathe.
be kind in the dark
I have been through plenty of fucked up shit, I don't need to qualify. Neither do you. I have found, through all of the mud, that a lotus always grows. Always. It does. Because in the moment, you are breathing. You are here. This is the truth.
Sometimes it is horrible. It is painful and it feels like it's never going to end. I know. That is when you breathe. That is when you feel it. Allow it to flow through you. The energy must come out. You do not have to self-destruct. You do not have to cause harm to yourself or others in order to move through the pain.
Scream in your car on the way home, break pencils, play with buttons. Feel it all, you are in the moment. Be there, and then breathe there. Breathe. I know it's hard. I know you think you can't. You can.
come back to kindness
Always come back to kindness. That is the root of everything for me. Everything. In 50 years, in 10 years, in 200 years, at any point, nothing you have done or ever will do really actually matters. Nothing. That's not what this is about. It's kindness.
You don't need to worry about whether you will be remembered. You will be. The tiny energy and the emotion and the compassion and the kindness you place in motion will continue, it will continue beyond anything you could imagine. It is tiny, and it matters. It matters because the ties that bind us together are made of the kindness we share with each other and with our planet. We have to let it flow through us. It feels good. It can be passionate, peaceful, determined. Discoveries and progress, new innovations.
The energy put into forward motion must be kind. If there is not kindness, there will not be peace. Whatever energy is emitted is what will continue forward.
What you do doesn't matter. Be kind. I don't understand why we go to the grocery store and see all these people and avoid eye contact and pretend they don't exist. It's weird. And when I say, "we," I'm including myself. I fucking hate going to the grocery store. I'm just saying, it's weird that we actively ignore each other.
You are constantly unsure. Constantly doubting yourself. That's when you can get quiet. Sit with yourself. It's hard to sit still. It's hard to drive in the car with the music off. It's okay. You're okay. There is no wrong way to begin. Go on a quiet walk. Sit in a quiet room. Smell a good candle. Listen to that song. Pause. Observe. Breathe. Kindness will come to you when you ask for it. You'll know what to do.
take care of yourself
Be kind to yourself. You are a small being with a huge heart and you truly are doing your best. Even when you stay in bed all day, you are doing your best. Be kind to yourself. Connect with others authentically and treat yourself to truth and peace. Take a bath. Watch your favorite movie. Be kind.
Kindness is not a personality trait, it is a plane of existence. You do not know what to do next. Perhaps you think you know, or you have a vague idea. You don't know. Take the kind action.
Look to your values and ask your inner child. Ask the universe. Ask your friends. When you misstep, there is nothing wrong with you. You learned something new. Celebrate.
You are doing life every day with no roadmap or idea of the future. That sucks. It's scary. You have a job interview tomorrow. You're preparing. Imagining. You think you're going to get the job. You're afraid you're going to get the job. What if you don't? What if it goes terribly? What if you're not enough?
And then you go, and the interview is great, and you do get the job. Or, you go, and the interview is great, and you don't get the job. Or, you go, and you make a fool of yourself and you are shamed until the next decade. Anything will happen.
Be kind to yourself, you cannot tell the future.
life is meaningless
Life is meaningless! On an individual, ego-to-ego level, there is no such thing as you. Your sense of separateness that you have from others doesn't matter. Your individuality, the way you dress, how you talk, your mannerisms. Those are all results of the lessons you have learned and the experiences you have had while you have been here. Those details are precious and beautiful, they help you determine what kindness path you are going to take.
Also, this isn't about you. It's not about anyone. You're an atom in a living organism. You don't have a say about what that huge living organism does. What you do have a say in, is its health. And its overall health determines what it does.
You are here right now. That's just the way it unfolded. The fact that you are here is really important. You are here and you need to learn and open as much as you can because the health of this huge organism depends on it.
You can do and be whatever you want. You can be a computer programmer. You can value luxury and buy cars. You can work at a non-profit organization. You can drive the city bus or sing for stadiums full of people. You can do all of those things at the same time. Whatever the fuck there is to do, you can do that.
Do it in kindness. You know what kindness is. You can't, like, kill someone in the name of kindness. You don't speed in a school zone because you like it and you think that means you're being kind to yourself. You know what kindness is.
Suicide isn't kind (I'm also not saying it's mean, though).I always thought it was a super loving thing to do because I would be letting my whole family off the hook. Making decisions from a poor mental health state is not kind. (suicide is also unkind for one million other reasons).
you are worthy
Kindness also happens to feel really, really good. When you open yourself up, you are allowing love, vulnerability, connection. Give that gift to yourself. You deserve it. Feel good.
You matter (you are matter), your ego doesn't matter. You are here and you need love in order to give love. You deserve love. Others deserve love. Love feels good. You don't need to shy away from that anymore.
None of these material things or achievements really mean anything. As a part of the world we live in, there are social contracts we have to follow. That does not have to be as restricting as it sometimes feels. Meditate. Stretch. Breathe. Be kind.
Nothing matters, be kind.