I feel bad that I haven't written. This blog has been my lifeline to reality, and my diary of progress over the last four years, and sometimes I go a while without touching it. I'd like to get better about that. But I also don't feel terrible about it. I've been busy. And when I'm busy, I don't take as much time to stop and reflect. I spend more time thinking about my to-do list than I do thinking about my feelings. And maybe this business as been semi-intentional because sometimes I get tired of exploring my feelings.
A few weeks ago I had the thought, "wow, I'm really on a winning streak." I graduated, I got a house, I got a job, and everything seemed to be going according to plan. That thinking was tricky because as soon as I decided I was on a winning streak, I started wondering when it would end. Naturally, despite the fact that everything is still just as it was when I began this winning streak, I feel like I am losing.
I'm unmotivated, I'm totally fearful that everything in my life is going to crumble at my feet, and I'm having a hard time bringing meaning into my daily life.
Today I realized that this is all totally in my head and completely dependent upon my current attitude.
Now I am trying to figure out how to change my perspective so that I can stay in this "I am dominating life" mindset. I like that mindset.
I'll try to get back to you soon.