tom waits kind of evening
I'm having one of those weeks. One of those "I would really rather just quit" weeks. I am overwhelmed by the size of my dreams and by the intricacies that will go into making them come true. I am overwhelmed by the injustice that takes place in our schools, in our government, and in society in general. I am overwhelmed by how much I want to change about all of this. I am having a moment in my head where I am saying, "it's too much, so I'm not going to do any of it." Most of the time, when I am acting like a grown up and talking about being a teacher and getting more degrees I actually have no idea what I am doing and I am completely talking out of my ass. I feel a pull. Almost like a responsibility, to help those who need help. I feel a duty to help amplify voices that have been silenced, including my own. I also feel so much anger that there are voices being silenced in the first place. And this anger blurs my vision sometimes.
I could go into this for a while and I'm getting further away from my point. My point is, I need a second to fall apart. I need to give myself some space to let the feelings happen and then I need to move on. So, here is what I am going to do. I am going to put on this song while I lie on the floor of my living room and I am going to cry or not cry or whatever. And then when the song is over, I am going to stand up and keep going. I am going to start my day tomorrow without fear.
Here is the song: