no more cigarettes #5

30 days, no cigarettes! I'm still relatively dramatic about how sad it is that I am not smoking anymore. I really want people to feel bad for me, like it's such a tragedy that I'm missing out on this great coping skill.

My e-cigarette gets me through the cravings, but it doesn't give me the same relief that smoking a cigarette does. When I'm stressed out, puffing on my e-cig is not enough. I turned to nicotine for that relief for eleven years. So, now I have to find that relief in other ways, which has been an interesting journey.

I learned a very cool anger expression exercise where I scribble on paper or cardboard like crazy until I break through the paper/cardboard or I break the marker I'm using. I definitely recommend this for moments of anger.

After expressing anger in this way, I have found that anger might be sadness or fear, but it's also just anger. I get over anger by expressing the anger more than expressing the sadness. Expressing sadness is important, but I'm already good at that.

I had been telling myself for months that anger is not actually an emotion. The word "anger" brings up memories of screaming and violence and that's not who I want to be. ever. I am finding some peace knowing that just because I feel anger about something doesn't mean I am a violent person. It means I am a human. I'll continue this conversation in my next post about character defects.

For now, I will keep coping in other ways than indulging my self-pity over drags off a cigarette. Also, I am going to lower my nicotine dosage in my e-cig from 16 to 12 today.