For many years, I was searching for relief from a darkness that consumed me. I held tight to a deep belief that death was the only escape. It was 1999 when I decided to die.

I had two questions

  • Why do I so easily get what kids my age die dreaming of?

  • Why is my individual existence so important? What does this all mean at all?

The frustration that came with inability to identify or articulate these dilemmas was only lifted when I imagined my death. I was eight-years-old.

Thirteen years later, after multiple attempts and diagnoses, I made an intentional and complicated decision to choose life.

  • I am here and I have so much. And I get to move forward, making positive change

  • There is security and stability in the uncertainty. There’s even a bit of fun.

By taking suicide off the table, I was able to begin looking at my world for the first time. I am going to stick around. I want to see what happens during this incredible, insignificantly meaningful, significantly meaningless, beautiful life.

This blog is where I document the way I see the things I see from my spot on the mountain. I have this inescapable need to share my writing with you. I frequently tell myself I absolutely should not. And then I do, because I must.

I am grateful for the opportunity to share my truth with you. This is how I give life meaning.

Copyright 2012 Simone DeAngelis All Rights Reserved