A lot of things were intense and confusing throughout my early childhood and adolescence. There was trauma, poor mental health, and addiction. It was not a cool time.
There were also tickle fights and lullabies. I have a lot of beautiful memories of my childhood. It took me a long time to see past the trauma.
I was eight-years-old when I learned that my favorite Nike shoes were made by children my age, in terrible and abusive conditions. It was a huge contradiction to grasp. I hated poverty and I really did not want to stop wearing my Nikes. They were so cool. The dark tsunami of self-loathing began, and I soon became fixated on killing myself.
By the time I was ten-years-old, I was questioning whether there was any real reason for my existence. What’s the point? I couldn’t figure it out. I attempted suicide that year, and a number of times throughout my teens.
In 2012, I seriously wounded myself during my last suicide attempt. It was pretty gross and traumatizing for everyone who saw me the next day. I entered psychiatric care and it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me (I realize how rare it is to have a great experience in a psych hospital). I am so grateful.
While I was in care, I made a decision not to kill myself. I needed to get cool with life on a philosophical level, and I did. There were a lot of wonderful people (fellow patients and the amazing people who worked there) that helped me come to terms with and take a new stance on existence.
As a result of over a decade of therapy, intensive care, and tons of reading, I have accumulated a lot of coping skills and tools I use to navigate life. I’m still learning and observing and questioning everything I see. I am constantly curious, and I explore those curiosities on this blog. I want to share what I have learned with you.
This is a collection of all of the things I have soaked up. This is a collage of different coping skills and lessons I have learned that might help you, too.
You will find gratitude, self-compassion, inner child connection, messiness, and mindfulness in every post. I want to share my authentic truth with you.
I have been writing since before I could write. I used to scribble in journals and pretend I was writing words. That’s where my writing started. This has always been the way I tether myself to this world.
Thank you for reading, I love sharing my story with you. I want you to share yours with me. This is human connection. I’m not sure what life is for, and I’m pretty sure humans are for each other.